She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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