It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
