It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
