is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
