Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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