My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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