No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
