Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
