Sober January is a disaster.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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