if only i could text you this smell
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
