Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
