Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Rutherford hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(347): View more from New York

i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours

Fav 33 4700 2063
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.

Fav 17 4807 1136
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(815): View more from Illinois

I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.

Fav 43 8388 2370
share tweet
(716): View more from New York

how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?

Fav 19 1159 6862
share tweet
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

Fav 24 4859 2319
share tweet
(302): View more from Delaware

Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob

Fav 2 2789 1167
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.

Fav 2 1245 663
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub

(410): View more from Maryland

...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?

(443): View more from Maryland

He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer

(443): View more from Maryland

Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.

Fav 0 91 2
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(876): View more from Jamaica

I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!

Fav 0 126 13
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT