I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wanna passion pit in your ass
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
