if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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