I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
