i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
