the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
