Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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