I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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