Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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