So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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