weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think I am morally bankrupt
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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