They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
