Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
