your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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