I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
