I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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