you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
