i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
