I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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