Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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