I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
