this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
