i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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