He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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