I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
this will be a night to untag.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
