Where is the hickey?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
