just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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