i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
