I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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