Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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