i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
handjob tips. give me some.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
