i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i came on her dog
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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