I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
