the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
