just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
