i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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