This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
