i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
