my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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